It’s been three months since little Zooey came into the world and changed my perspectives forever and a day. I’m still coming to grips with what this new life is supposed to be like, and from what I can gather – there is NO supposed to. It’s all just flying by the seat of your pants fun and games.
Here she is;
A joy and a beauty I have never before experienced. Something so little and fragile, yet so strong and determined. She is most certainly my child and the characteristics of all the surrounding family are coming thru daily. I’m surprised by her and in awe. I only now understand all those cliché mother things that before, I thought were just sappy individuals who hadn’t had a personal path to follow and found purpose thru their children. Oh my… The arrogance… I now see that purpose IS the child for a period of time.
I’ve found myself worrying, comparing, judging, testing to see whether she’s on par, above average, lagging behind… At TWO/THREE months…. That’s just stupid!!! The pressure comes from me. No one else and the sooner I accept, allow and let go of these petty and destructive behaviours, I am going to miss seeing Zooey for who she really IS, NOT who she isn’t.
I’m head over heels in love with my fiancé more than ever. Phillip has been supportive in the ways I really wanted. Not fawning over me leading up to and during the birth. Helping me stay focussed on me, on us and not on any of the little things that could have thrown us off. Our honesty in the struggles to adapt and the joys we find in the odd things, has really bonded us closer together – which I was not expecting. I thought perhaps it would be like the movies, to, soooo fiction – where the man becomes part of the wallpaper as the baby takes up all the spotlight. But Phill and I have grown through this process personally and not just because of Zooey. We’ve had the ability to be there for one another and talk thru personal path issues too. Just sayin – I am so very lucky and blessed to have found him, to have had Zooey and to have such an amazingly supportive family too. Soo much love in her life. The grandparents have showered her with affections and the half siblings have embraced her into their lives, which makes me tear up when I think about it.
Love means something different to me now. It’s richer, fuller and a HUUUUUGE leap more scary than before.
Welcome to the world my little angel who’s got a streak of power I cannot wait to see blossom and grow.