I think it’s part of the process – all the stuff from the past comes up, as if to ask for validation.
The last 7 years with the company – every different role, each person of influence, each ‘conflict’ that could have been handled differently or not. Whether any of those moments could have changed the outcome, if any of those encounters could have made a difference if I had been more honest with how I felt about things. Not that I was dishonest – just seemingly asleep to the consequences it would have on my own self image, experiences of success and failure and sense of purpose.
I’m in the ‘sunset’ of my career here and feel as if I just woke up to all the things that had been gurgling away unconsciously for a very long time. Mostly I am upset that I became so very bitter and negative at the end here. Almost as if I was looking for an ‘acceptable’ reason to walk away. Even though the reasons that I chose to make this move are in alignment with my soul’s desires. To allow my life a future that is different – not better, cause of course, where ever you go, there you are… your problems seem to follow you.
I just wanted to get it out of my head cause it’s been building up and feels like I had failed. I’m feeling that the turn around is coming though, I feel that this ‘failure’ will give me the lessons and learnings I need for the future.